00:00SPEAKER- Okay, this is dangerously near a real topic.
00:03SPEAKER- Oh, we don't do that around here,
00:04SPEAKERbut I'll allow it for once.
00:06SPEAKER- My wife asked me, hey, there's a place for text
00:09SPEAKERon the back of our Christmas card.
00:11SPEAKERAnd we usually put something funny there,
00:14SPEAKERbut I'm not feeling particularly funny right now.
00:17SPEAKERAnd when I type it into Google,
00:18SPEAKERall the stuff that I get is bad.
00:21SPEAKERAnd I said, oh, it can't be that bad.
00:23SPEAKER- Wait, hang on, what are you typing into Google?
00:25SPEAKER- Like a funny thing to put in your Christmas card,
00:27SPEAKERlike a mirthful message, a little bit of whimsy,
00:31SPEAKERnot corniness, maybe a little corny, you know.
00:33SPEAKER- You're saying you're looking for ideas
00:35SPEAKERto put on the back of your Christmas card?
00:36SPEAKER- You're looking for a tone.
00:38SPEAKER- Would you say you're prompting a text field
00:40SPEAKERto give you some ideas?
00:42SPEAKER- Well, it's funny you say prompting
00:43SPEAKERbecause that is precisely where the problem starts.
00:46SPEAKER- Uh-oh.
00:47SPEAKER- When you type funny things
00:48SPEAKERto put onto your Christmas card,
00:51SPEAKERyou get things that are both not funny
00:55SPEAKERand also not things that I would put on the Christmas card.
00:58SPEAKERBut the weird thing, and that's nothing new,
01:00SPEAKERlike there's a bunch of hacks working on the internet
01:02SPEAKERand have been for many, many years.
01:04SPEAKER- And that hallmark before that?
01:06SPEAKER- Yeah, well, no, actually, I think a lot of the,
01:08SPEAKERlook, the hallmark people are directed
01:10SPEAKERand thoughtful at least.
01:11SPEAKER- Yeah, okay, fair, yes.
01:14SPEAKER- But the problem, it used to be
01:16SPEAKERthat you'd click on the first site
01:17SPEAKERand then you'd get one set of things
01:19SPEAKERand you'd be like, oh, this is bad,
01:20SPEAKERand you'd click on the second one
01:21SPEAKERand you'd be like, okay, I want a Christmas card message
01:24SPEAKER'cause it's not written by hacks and is actually funny,
01:27SPEAKERand then it would give you something
01:28SPEAKERthat is a little bit different.
01:30SPEAKERSo they were all the same.
01:34SPEAKERLike the top five results
01:35SPEAKERall had the exact same crap in them.
01:37SPEAKERAnd it was all like, hey, I hope your Christmas sleighs
01:40SPEAKERand S-L-E-I-G-H-S for some reason,
01:44SPEAKERor I hope you get as lit as your tree,
01:48SPEAKERor like, they're terrible, really, really bad, right?
01:52SPEAKERNot funny, not clever, just hacky and awful.
01:56SPEAKERSo then I was like, I think that all of these
01:57SPEAKERare written by AI, so I went to the AI,
02:00SPEAKERand it's like, look, this is a chicken or egg situation
02:04SPEAKER'cause it could have been that the AI
02:05SPEAKERjust looked at all of the things that were written by AI
02:08SPEAKERon the top Christmas card site pages
02:11SPEAKERand been like, oh, okay, here we go.
02:13SPEAKEROr it could have been that the person at Shutterfly
02:15SPEAKERthat was writing the, hey, you don't know
02:16SPEAKERwhat to put on your Christmas card,
02:17SPEAKERhere's some funny ideas, just typed into Google, Gemini,
02:21SPEAKERhey, I want some funny stuff to put on the Christmas card
02:23SPEAKERin article form that I can put on Shutterfly's website,
02:26SPEAKERand then it just spat that out
02:27SPEAKERbecause the lists were the same
02:29SPEAKERwhen I asked Gemini for the same thing.
02:31SPEAKERAnd I haven't engaged with this stuff in a little bit,
02:34SPEAKERthe AI stuff in a minute, I kind of spent most of 2025
02:38SPEAKERjust reinforcing my opinions that it's kind of shit
02:41SPEAKERand moving on, and Gina was like,
02:44SPEAKERthis is the type of thing most people just ask AI for.
02:45SPEAKERI was like, well, let's try it and let's see what happens.
02:48SPEAKER- Oh.
02:49SPEAKER- And so I put, I need something funny
02:51SPEAKERto put on my Christmas card into the Gemini prompt field.
02:55SPEAKERAnd it was like, it gave me the list
02:57SPEAKERof things from the internet, and I was like, no,
02:58SPEAKERthat's all hacky and terrible,
02:59SPEAKERgive me something that's actually funny.
03:01SPEAKERAnd it was like, oh, you want something edgy,
03:02SPEAKERand then it was like, hey, Christmas fucks.
03:04SPEAKERAnd I was like, nope, that's too much, too far.
03:07SPEAKER- I'm sorry, did I understand what you just said?
03:10SPEAKER- Yeah, it said, yo, I hope your Christmas fucks.
03:12SPEAKERYeah, that's what it said.
03:13SPEAKER- I think my brain tried to hear fox for a second
03:15SPEAKERbecause that sounded so vulgar for a Christmas card.
03:19SPEAKER- Yep, no, so, and then I was like, nope,
03:21SPEAKERthat's too far and also not funny.
03:22SPEAKER- No bad Gemini, that's not, no, no.
03:25SPEAKER- Yeah, exactly.
03:26SPEAKERSo then I went down a few other things
03:28SPEAKERand it was just all, eventually I got to the ones
03:32SPEAKERthat it was posting on the sites that were kind of funny
03:35SPEAKERand not just all sad.
03:36SPEAKERSo anyway, we just were like,
03:38SPEAKERI just did a naughty or nice bit.
03:40SPEAKERSo anyway, people who listen to this and get their Christmas
03:42SPEAKERcard, I guess here's a glimpse of your future.
03:46SPEAKERBut yeah, I think we've reached the point
03:49SPEAKERwhere the AI is crapping up the search results
03:52SPEAKERto the point that the search results are all the same
03:54SPEAKERand the AI results are all the same.
03:56SPEAKERAnd basically the ouroboros is eating itself.
03:59SPEAKER- We've begun the great process of internet auto cannibalism.
04:02SPEAKER- Wow, I guess you have to reset the clock now.
04:04SPEAKER- Let's say happy 2026.
04:06SPEAKER(upbeat music)
04:16SPEAKER(upbeat music)
04:34SPEAKER- Welcome to Brad and Will Made a Tech Pod.
04:37SPEAKERI'm Will.
04:37SPEAKER- I'm Brad.
04:38SPEAKER- Brad, it's the hap happiest time of the year.
04:41SPEAKER- Uh huh, that's right.
04:42SPEAKER- It's the tis the season.
04:44SPEAKER- Or?
04:45SPEAKER- Or marry and find love, be the joy in your heart.
04:50SPEAKER- And rank things.
04:51SPEAKER- And rank things, hell yeah.
04:54SPEAKER- Fine annual tech pod tradition.
04:57SPEAKER- Yeah, let's make people angry with a ranking list.
04:59SPEAKER- Oh, you look, I mean, we moved to tier lists.
05:01SPEAKERI think that that is okay.
05:03SPEAKERA couple of things, we moved to tier lists last year.
05:05SPEAKERThat seems more popular than the old standby top 10.
05:08SPEAKER- Kids love tier lists.
05:10SPEAKER- Here's the other thing.
05:11SPEAKERThis is going to be a two parter,
05:13SPEAKERbut we finally chose a topic
05:15SPEAKERthat is just constrained enough in scope
05:17SPEAKERthat we were able to knock the whole thing out
05:19SPEAKERin two episodes.
05:20SPEAKERSo it's already done.
05:21SPEAKER- Yeah.
05:22SPEAKER- There will be no open-ended,
05:24SPEAKERhey, when we get back to that tier list this time.
05:27SPEAKER- Unless we forgot stuff,
05:28SPEAKERin which case we'll revisit it at some point in the future.
05:31SPEAKER- Well, you know, there are probably
05:32SPEAKERsome other startup sounds out there we could find.
05:34SPEAKER- Wait, wait, you're going to give them,
05:35SPEAKERtell them what we're doing?
05:36SPEAKERI guess this is the intro.
05:36SPEAKERThis is where we tell them what we're doing.
05:37SPEAKER- This is the place to do that, I think.
05:39SPEAKERI think we were pretty comprehensive though.
05:41SPEAKERActually, can't think of too many things we might've missed.
05:43SPEAKER- I mean, there's some conversations
05:45SPEAKERabout what makes a tier a startup sound
05:47SPEAKERand what is not a startup sound
05:48SPEAKERthat I think are going to be controversial.
05:51SPEAKER- Sure, yes.
05:52SPEAKER- But other than that, yeah, pretty good.
05:53SPEAKER- Yeah.
05:54SPEAKERWell, hey, shall we roll the tape?
05:56SPEAKER- Let's go.
05:57SPEAKER(upbeat music)
05:59SPEAKEROkay, so I'm going to suggest
06:01SPEAKERthat we start at the very beginning.
06:04SPEAKER- Okay.
06:05SPEAKERThe very first startup sound ever.
06:07SPEAKER- The first startup sound I remember hearing as a youth.
06:10SPEAKERI think I know where this is going.
06:11SPEAKERI'm getting excited already.
06:14SPEAKER- The Apple Macintosh.
06:16SPEAKER- Nevermind.
06:18SPEAKERI mean, this is a good one too.
06:18SPEAKER- What were you thinking?
06:20SPEAKER- I thought it was going to be the Windows 3.1, ta-da,
06:22SPEAKERbut of course, oh fuck, that Mac predates Mac OS.
06:25SPEAKERIt wasn't even Mac OS then, right?
06:27SPEAKERBut whatever they called it.
06:28SPEAKER- It's just the Mac, yeah, predated the Windows 3.1, ta-da.
06:31SPEAKER- That predates it by like a decade, right?
06:33SPEAKER- Probably close to that, yeah.
06:35SPEAKERAnd okay, well, okay, so here's the first one.
06:38SPEAKERThis was the thing that happened
06:40SPEAKERwhen you hit the power button on a,
06:42SPEAKERI think Mac, the original Mac.
06:44SPEAKERSo here we go.
06:45SPEAKER(dramatic music)
06:48SPEAKER- I know that sound very well.
06:50SPEAKERMy M1, my ARM-based M1 MacBook Pro
06:53SPEAKERmakes more or less that exact same sound.
06:55SPEAKER- So that one is listed on YouTube
06:58SPEAKERas the original Mac startup sound.
07:00SPEAKERNow, there's another YouTube video
07:03SPEAKERfrom a person who is a much deeper level of crazy
07:07SPEAKERwho actually posted every Macintosh startup sound
07:11SPEAKERfor every Macintosh that they could find.
07:13SPEAKER- Okay. - It's, yeah.
07:15SPEAKER- Are they all roughly that sound with minor variations?
07:18SPEAKER- Well, it's funny you ask that because.
07:21SPEAKER- What in the world is that?
07:23SPEAKER(dramatic music)
07:27SPEAKEROh, these are all sounds playing in succession.
07:29SPEAKER- These are all sounds playing in succession.
07:31SPEAKERWe're up to the Macintosh portable,
07:33SPEAKERwhich was their first luggable.
07:34SPEAKERBut that very first one is the Apple IIc.
07:38SPEAKERThe Apple II didn't have a startup sound
07:39SPEAKERas near as I can remember.
07:41SPEAKER- Oh, I didn't know the Apple,
07:42SPEAKERI didn't know the pre-Mac,
07:44SPEAKERlike a straight up Apple computers, Apple II and stuff.
07:46SPEAKERI didn't know those had startup sounds at all
07:48SPEAKERother than beeps.
07:49SPEAKERI mean, I guess those were just beeps, right?
07:50SPEAKER- They're just beeps.
07:51SPEAKERSo this is the Macintosh 512.
07:52SPEAKERThese are all really insanely close together.
07:54SPEAKERIt's like 85 beeps or something
07:57SPEAKERin three minutes and 25 seconds.
08:00SPEAKERSo the Macintosh, early Macintoshes were just beeps.
08:03SPEAKERThat chime didn't come on until a lot later, actually.
08:07SPEAKER- You mean like some of the classic Mac chime?
08:09SPEAKER- Yeah, the thing that we heard of a second ago
08:11SPEAKERstarted with the LC, I think.
08:13SPEAKER- Okay.
08:14SPEAKER- Or power Mac, well, this is the power Macintosh G3.
08:16SPEAKER(dramatic music)
08:19SPEAKERAnd it bounced around based on which era
08:21SPEAKERof Mac you're talking about.
08:22SPEAKERSo I think we should start with that very first,
08:25SPEAKERwith the thing that you and I think of, the classic one.
08:29SPEAKER- Classic Mac.
08:30SPEAKER- Yeah, that one right there.
08:32SPEAKER- There are probably too many of these
08:33SPEAKERand they are too similar to rank all of these.
08:35SPEAKER- We're not ranking all of them, there's 100.
08:38SPEAKER- In fact, really it's the Macintosh sound, right, I think?
08:41SPEAKER- I think there's this Mac startup sound
08:44SPEAKERthat I just played, the one that everybody thinks of,
08:47SPEAKERthis one.
08:48SPEAKER(dramatic music)
08:49SPEAKERAnd then I think there's one other in here
08:51SPEAKERthat I wanna pull out and put on the ranking list for sure.
08:55SPEAKERBut I think this is clear S tier.
08:58SPEAKER- Man.
08:59SPEAKER- I'm just going straight out in there.
09:00SPEAKER- Right out of the gate.
09:01SPEAKER- Look.
09:02SPEAKER- Right out of the gates, I can be convinced.
09:05SPEAKER- I'm not, this is the one that started at all.
09:08SPEAKERWithout this one, arguably, we wouldn't have any other,
09:11SPEAKERlike maybe this would never become a thing, you know?
09:14SPEAKER- On the list here, we have M1 and future Macs.
09:17SPEAKERAre you able to play that one?
09:18SPEAKER- Yeah, you wanna hear that one?
09:19SPEAKER- Yes.
09:21SPEAKER- We can play that.
09:22SPEAKER(dramatic music)
09:23SPEAKER- Okay, great, okay.
09:24SPEAKER- It's the same basic idea, it's a little more reverb.
09:27SPEAKER- There's more bass, it's kinda a little more bassy.
09:29SPEAKER- Yeah, yeah, exactly.
09:31SPEAKERYeah, 'cause again, like I said, I've got an M1 MacBook Pro
09:33SPEAKERand I hear a version of that every time I open it.
09:35SPEAKER- And so the thing I'm gonna say is
09:38SPEAKERthe core element of that sound
09:41SPEAKERwas on some of the early Macs, like the Centris 660 AV,
09:44SPEAKERlike a mid '90s, early '90s Mac.
09:48SPEAKER- Okay.
09:49SPEAKER- And then Steve Jobs went away
09:51SPEAKERand they got wild for a while there.
09:54SPEAKERAnd then he came back in the iMac, the original iMac.
09:57SPEAKERI'm gonna play that one right now, I think.
10:02SPEAKERNope, I went, skip the time code.
10:05SPEAKERLet's try again.
10:06SPEAKERHere we go.
10:08SPEAKER(dramatic music)
10:10SPEAKERThere's the PowerBook G3.
10:11SPEAKER- Okay.
10:12SPEAKER- There's the PowerMacintosh G3, the candy color one.
10:15SPEAKER- Got it.
10:16SPEAKER- And there's the iMac.
10:16SPEAKERSo from this point on until 2020, they were all the same.
10:19SPEAKER- Okay, and even in 2020,
10:20SPEAKERit only just kind of evolved slightly.
10:22SPEAKER- It's like a little more reverb in the--
10:24SPEAKER- Still basically the same sound.
10:25SPEAKER- The M processor Macs, they changed it,
10:27SPEAKERwhich is the first time they've done it in a long, long time.
10:29SPEAKER- If I might argue for the purposes
10:31SPEAKERof this tier list construction,
10:34SPEAKERwe just do the original Macintosh sound.
10:36SPEAKER- I think original Macintosh sound, solid S tier.
10:39SPEAKERI agree with that.
10:40SPEAKER- What I mean is all these others, I think,
10:42SPEAKERare perhaps not distinct enough for separate ranking.
10:46SPEAKER- Let me give you the one for the E-Mate.
10:48SPEAKERAnd you can tell me if you think it's worth ranking.
10:50SPEAKER- What in the world is an E-Mate?
10:51SPEAKER- It's like a pocket PC.
10:53SPEAKERIt's a handheld device.
10:57SPEAKER- All right.
10:59SPEAKER- It's googly moogly, it did the thing again.
11:02SPEAKERHere we go.
11:03SPEAKERI clicked the wrong link, it doesn't work.
11:05SPEAKEROkay, here we go.
11:06SPEAKER- That'll happen.
11:09SPEAKER- Okay.
11:10SPEAKER- Okay, I've heard that sound before.
11:12SPEAKER- There's the E-Mate right there.
11:13SPEAKER- No, thank you.
11:15SPEAKER- No, hold on, I want you to bask in it.
11:18SPEAKERYeah, that's a D minus for me, I think.
11:21SPEAKER- Okay, fine, that one is different enough
11:24SPEAKERthat I'm just gonna type the E-Mate under D right now.
11:27SPEAKER- Yeah, it's bad.
11:30SPEAKER- Yeah, you know, maybe just play the Macintosh sound
11:33SPEAKERa couple more times.
11:34SPEAKERLet me roll it around the brain.
11:37SPEAKERIs it a chord?
11:38SPEAKER- Yeah, that's like a chord with the...
11:43SPEAKER- Is that, I mean, I'm like some semi musically inclined.
11:46SPEAKERI'm trying to pick apart the component sounds.
11:49SPEAKERI mean, is that like three different tones?
11:53SPEAKER- Yeah, it seems like it.
11:54SPEAKERI don't know, I could put the spectral analyzer
11:56SPEAKERif you want over here and let you know.
11:57SPEAKER- Would you call that a chord as such?
12:00SPEAKER- You can have a chord with three notes, right?
12:02SPEAKER- Well, I mean, that's what a chord is.
12:03SPEAKERThat's what I'm saying.
12:04SPEAKERLike it's kind of, it's a hard sound to nail down
12:08SPEAKERexactly what's in there.
12:10SPEAKER(suspenseful music)
12:13SPEAKER- I, look.
12:14SPEAKER- It's, you know what, it's quick, it's pleasant, it's warm.
12:18SPEAKER- It's incredibly distinctive.
12:20SPEAKER- It makes it, it's got pretty good brand identity,
12:23SPEAKERI guess I would say.
12:24SPEAKER- Look, if you were at a club and somebody
12:26SPEAKERdropped a couple of these in the mix,
12:29SPEAKERyou'd be like, I know that sound.
12:30SPEAKER- Well, yeah, that's, yes.
12:32SPEAKERMaybe not the only thing I would say, but yeah, I would,
12:34SPEAKERyes, I do know it.
12:35SPEAKER- Look, you know, whatever.
12:38SPEAKERI think it is, I think this is definitively
12:42SPEAKERone of the things, like it has all the things you want.
12:46SPEAKERLike you said, it's short, you instantly recognize it.
12:51SPEAKERI see the picture of the ad with the Think,
12:55SPEAKERany of 'em, the Think Different, the Throw in the Superbowl,
12:59SPEAKERSledgehammer, all that stuff.
13:01SPEAKERThey're all there in your face.
13:03SPEAKERAnd it's because it's an S-tier sound.
13:06SPEAKER- Well, I mean, I think the key for me is that it's warm
13:08SPEAKERand pleasant and invites me to want to hear it again.
13:11SPEAKER- Yeah, now I think the M1, the current iteration,
13:15SPEAKERthe souped up version that they're selling these days,
13:18SPEAKERI think it's actually a regression.
13:19SPEAKERI don't think it's as good.
13:20SPEAKER- Yeah, I think I could agree with that.
13:23SPEAKERYeah, too much low end, I would say.
13:26SPEAKER- Yeah, and they're stacking up a bunch of reverb
13:31SPEAKERand stuff on there.
13:32SPEAKERIt's not necessary, you don't need to tart this up.
13:34SPEAKER- Yeah, I would also say I have a negative association
13:36SPEAKERwith that sound on account of the,
13:39SPEAKERshall I call it the boot on open behavior
13:41SPEAKERof modern MacBooks.
13:42SPEAKERDid you know about this?
13:43SPEAKERYou haven't had a MacBook in a while, right?
13:45SPEAKER- No, I haven't had MacBooks since the M1s.
13:47SPEAKER- MacBooks, modern MacBooks boot when you open them now
13:49SPEAKERand there's no way to turn that off.
13:52SPEAKERAnd they have also, they used to have lights.
13:54SPEAKERRemember the little battery indicator
13:57SPEAKERwith the button on the side
13:58SPEAKERwith the little pinhole through the metal LEDs?
14:01SPEAKER- Yeah, that was really nice.
14:02SPEAKER- There is, okay, so A, they turn on when you open them now.
14:05SPEAKERB, there's no way to see externally
14:07SPEAKERif they're on or not while they're closed.
14:08SPEAKERThere's no longer any kind of status indicator
14:10SPEAKERor light at all.
14:12SPEAKERAnd so a number of times I've thought like before a flight
14:15SPEAKERor whatever, like, is my laptop on?
14:17SPEAKERDo I need to turn it off to save battery
14:19SPEAKERuntil I get on the plane and boot the laptop
14:23SPEAKERin the process of opening the laptop to see if it's booted?
14:26SPEAKER- I don't think you have to worry about that
14:27SPEAKERin a modern, like, you know?
14:30SPEAKER- I mean, on a long enough trip,
14:32SPEAKERyou would like to save as much battery as you can, you know?
14:34SPEAKER- I guess, I guess I don't take the trips that long anymore.
14:36SPEAKER- My trips are long.
14:38SPEAKER- I think that the modern M1 sound
14:40SPEAKERis like a B probably for me.
14:42SPEAKER- Yeah, I don't, we need to rank that one.
14:45SPEAKER- I mean, it's, you know, I think we listen to it.
14:48SPEAKER- We just rank it, you know?
14:50SPEAKER- It is just a, ah, sure.
14:53SPEAKEROkay, fine, M1 Mac is a B, sure.
14:55SPEAKER- Yeah. - Okay, I can get behind that.
14:57SPEAKER- Okay, you wanna switch out?
14:59SPEAKERSo it's okay, so we got Macintosh,
15:01SPEAKERoriginal OG Macintosh startup sound S, M1 Mac B, E main D.
15:06SPEAKERGreat episode, I think we can call it here.
15:08SPEAKERWe'll come back next week, we'll do some more.
15:10SPEAKER- Happy holidays, everyone.
15:12SPEAKER- You wanna go maybe PlayStation 1?
15:16SPEAKER- Yeah, why don't we ping pong console and computer stuff
15:19SPEAKERa little bit?
15:19SPEAKER- Okay, so here we go.
15:20SPEAKERHere's the, this is the, this is the original
15:23SPEAKERlaunch era PlayStation 1 sound.
15:26SPEAKER(dramatic music)
15:37SPEAKER- All right, some interesting facts I have for you here.
15:39SPEAKERThere were a couple of YouTube videos
15:41SPEAKERI meant to dig out of my history and send to you
15:43SPEAKERbefore we did this and did not have time for that.
15:45SPEAKER- Okay. - I've watched
15:46SPEAKERa couple of breakdowns of the sound over time.
15:49SPEAKEROkay, first of all, there's the thing everybody knows
15:51SPEAKERwhich is that's actually two different sounds.
15:52SPEAKERDid you have a PlayStation?
15:54SPEAKER- I did not have a PlayStation, no.
15:56SPEAKERThe first time I heard this was like six months ago.
15:58SPEAKER- What the fuck?
15:59SPEAKEROh, wait, we talked about that, didn't we?
16:00SPEAKER- We talked about this.
16:01SPEAKER- That was a startling revelation.
16:05SPEAKERSo anybody who owned a PlayStation knows this part.
16:07SPEAKERThat's actually two sounds.
16:09SPEAKERThe beginning low end bong is the console power on sound,
16:14SPEAKERlike just the ROM boot up.
16:16SPEAKER- Okay.
16:16SPEAKER- The tinkly glassy sounding second part.
16:19SPEAKER- The chimes?
16:21SPEAKER- Like the chimey, yes.
16:22SPEAKERAlthough we'll get to how that synthesized
16:23SPEAKERis really interesting.
16:24SPEAKERThat only plays if there's a bootable disc in the drive.
16:27SPEAKERSo if there's not,
16:28SPEAKERif there's not, you only hear the fullness
16:30SPEAKERof the low end part and then it just dumps you
16:33SPEAKERinto the system like memory
16:34SPEAKERand CD player management interface.
16:36SPEAKERAnd then if you put in a bootable,
16:39SPEAKERlike a game or a bootable disc after the fact,
16:41SPEAKERyou will only get the chimes as it then boots the software
16:45SPEAKERup, so those are actually distinctive sounds
16:47SPEAKERthat just happened to blend together
16:49SPEAKERif you have a game in the drive when you turn the system on.
16:52SPEAKER- So what happened if you had like a CD-ROM,
16:54SPEAKERan optical CD, like an audio CD in there?
16:56SPEAKER- It would just go straight to that system interface
16:58SPEAKERthat I mentioned that basically lets you either manage
17:00SPEAKERmemory cards or go to the CD player software.
17:02SPEAKER- Wild.
17:03SPEAKER- Here's the lesser known and way more interesting part
17:06SPEAKERto me, that sound is not recorded at all.
17:09SPEAKERIt is synthesized on the fly by the PlayStation's sound
17:11SPEAKERhardware every time you boot the system.
17:13SPEAKER- With math?
17:14SPEAKER- Yes, with transforms and programmatic magic going on
17:19SPEAKERbecause I've, and that's what that deep dive video
17:21SPEAKERI watched was that was fascinating because somebody,
17:24SPEAKERpeople have dumped the component sounds
17:26SPEAKERfor that thing from the ROM.
17:27SPEAKERThey sound nothing like the thing you're actually hearing.
17:30SPEAKER- So it's not even like MIDI files.
17:32SPEAKERIt's not even like MIDI where it's using,
17:34SPEAKERit's just using math directly on the chip.
17:36SPEAKERThat's wild.
17:37SPEAKER- It's using three samples.
17:38SPEAKERI wish I, again, I wish I had sent those files to you.
17:42SPEAKERNow I really want to go find them.
17:43SPEAKERI don't want to delay the podcast long enough to go do that.
17:46SPEAKERBut if you find the component sounds,
17:48SPEAKERthe things made up of they're much, much shorter
17:51SPEAKERand they are way, way less kind of interesting to listen to.
17:54SPEAKER- Okay, so before you told me all this,
17:55SPEAKERI was like, this one's pretty meh.
17:58SPEAKERLike I don't like the gap between the wah wah part
18:01SPEAKERof the bit beginning in the chimes at the end.
18:03SPEAKER- Yes, but now you know that those were two separate sounds
18:05SPEAKERthat are being triggered by system events.
18:07SPEAKER- Yeah, and one of the other things that's interesting
18:09SPEAKERabout this whole process is I think that these things
18:12SPEAKERstarted to cover like boot time.
18:15SPEAKER- Yeah.
18:16SPEAKER- Like if you think about it, like you didn't have this
18:17SPEAKERon the NES or the SNES or the N64 really.
18:20SPEAKER- Yeah, those systems do not have BIOSes.
18:24SPEAKERThose things just run the software directly
18:27SPEAKERfrom the cartridge to the CPU, right?
18:28SPEAKER- Yeah, or the software is just chips
18:30SPEAKERon the cartridge, right?
18:32SPEAKER- In fact, my understanding of the cartridge systems,
18:34SPEAKERI barely know about this stuff.
18:35SPEAKERI've just read a little, like effectively
18:37SPEAKERwhen you put a cartridge into a cartridge-based console
18:40SPEAKERand hit the power button,
18:40SPEAKERyou're effectively completing a circuit.
18:42SPEAKERLike the presence of the ROM is completing a circuit
18:45SPEAKERthat then allows the data to flow versus, yeah,
18:48SPEAKERlike all the CD-based systems have BIOSes
18:50SPEAKERand are full computers in a more traditional sense.
18:53SPEAKER- In and of themselves.
18:55SPEAKERSo like now knowing what I know,
18:59SPEAKERlike this is a pretty good one.
19:01SPEAKER- Yeah, I don't have quite the nostalgia for it.
19:04SPEAKERBasically, I mean, there's the like 12-year-old rule
19:07SPEAKERof nostalgia, right?
19:08SPEAKERLike whatever thing came out when you were 12,
19:10SPEAKERthat's the thing you will love more than anything ever.
19:12SPEAKERAnd like, I was just a tad bit too old for that
19:14SPEAKERwhen the PlayStation came out.
19:16SPEAKER- Explains why I like the Michael Keaton Batman movie though.
19:19SPEAKER- Yeah, there are people out there
19:20SPEAKERwho just like fall all over themselves
19:22SPEAKERabout how much they love the sound.
19:23SPEAKERAnd I'm not quite there on the purely nostalgic end,
19:26SPEAKERbut I still respect this sound very highly.
19:31SPEAKERAnd I could see it at either an S or an A.
19:34SPEAKER- Like, I don't think this is an S.
19:35SPEAKERI think this is a solid A.
19:38SPEAKERI think that there are other better PlayStation sounds.
19:42SPEAKER- I might, okay, I think there might be one better one.
19:45SPEAKER- I mean, I didn't say there were many other
19:46SPEAKERbetter PlayStation sounds.
19:48SPEAKER- There's only two more.
19:49SPEAKER- No, no, no, there's more.
19:50SPEAKER- Well, okay, I'm not counting handhelds here.
19:53SPEAKERBut of big TV-based PlayStations, there's only two more.
19:57SPEAKERAnd then consoles, as we will get into consoles,
19:59SPEAKERinexplicably just stopped having boot-up animations
20:01SPEAKERand sound.
20:02SPEAKER- They still have boot-up animations and sound.
20:04SPEAKERYou just never see them 'cause they never turn off anymore.
20:09SPEAKER- Wait, no, the Xbox is the only one.
20:11SPEAKERXbox is the only one, PS5 has nothing.
20:14SPEAKER- Okay, you wanna jump ahead?
20:16SPEAKERWe can jump ahead.
20:17SPEAKER- Switch has nothing, Switch 2 has nothing.
20:21SPEAKER- Okay.
20:22SPEAKER- All right, I'm gonna table that PlayStation ranking.
20:25SPEAKERI'm going to, or now, put it at A.
20:28SPEAKER- Okay.
20:29SPEAKER- But I'm not sure I agree.
20:30SPEAKERBut for the sake of expediency, let's keep moving.
20:33SPEAKER- I'm gonna pull up the PS5 startup sound now.
20:36SPEAKER- Wait, what?
20:38SPEAKER- Yeah.
20:38SPEAKER- What PS5 startup sound?
20:40SPEAKER- Here you go.
20:41SPEAKERYou ready for it?
20:41SPEAKER- No.
20:45SPEAKEROh, I don't know if, hmm.
20:47SPEAKER- Please see in sort, there you go, startup sound.
20:50SPEAKER- I don't know if that counts.
20:51SPEAKER- That is absolutely a startup sound.
20:53SPEAKER- I guess.
20:54SPEAKERThat's the login screen though, that's not the same thing.
20:57SPEAKER- It's the thing, when you turn on the PlayStation.
21:00SPEAKER- Here's the thing though, a startup sound has to end.
21:03SPEAKERAnd that doesn't end until you log in.
21:05SPEAKERIt will sit there making that droning sound forever.
21:09SPEAKER- It just merges into your menu music.
21:11SPEAKER- Like it, like, I don't know.
21:15SPEAKER- Listen, look, this has all of the highlights
21:20SPEAKERof a startup sound, here you go.
21:24SPEAKERThat is a startup sound right there.
21:26SPEAKER- Yeah, I guess maybe it does blend into the,
21:29SPEAKERlike the sign-in screen will just sit there
21:30SPEAKERand make it an ethereal background droning sounds forever.
21:33SPEAKERBut I guess that might technically be a distinctive sound.
21:36SPEAKERThat one's okay.
21:38SPEAKERIt's fine, it's like a B.
21:40SPEAKER- Yeah, a B is good as right for that.
21:42SPEAKER- It's a B or a C to me, I think.
21:44SPEAKER- Look, I would argue for knocking off a tier
21:47SPEAKERjust because it isn't distinct.
21:48SPEAKERI think a distinctness is better than an indistinct one.
21:51SPEAKER- Yeah, and there's no animation that goes along with it,
21:53SPEAKERwhich is also criminal.
21:55SPEAKER- Sir, I, look, the PlayStation logo is like,
21:59SPEAKERhey man, you should consider turning on your controller.
22:01SPEAKERAnd it also says it has a friendly warning.
22:05SPEAKERIt says see important health and safety warnings
22:08SPEAKERin the settings menu.
22:09SPEAKER- This is exactly why that's disqualifying.
22:11SPEAKERA startup animation cannot be conveying
22:12SPEAKERactionable information to the user.
22:14SPEAKERIt needs to be purely for vanity.
22:16SPEAKER- I would argue that this is not conveying
22:17SPEAKERactionable information to the user either.
22:20SPEAKER- It needs to be purely, look how cool our console is,
22:22SPEAKERhow rad is this?
22:23SPEAKER- There's a lot of sparkles on that page
22:25SPEAKERalong with the actionable information.
22:27SPEAKER- Yeah, all right, I will allow it, but it's a B.
22:31SPEAKER- B is, B feels right.
22:32SPEAKER- This is reminding me we didn't pull any
22:34SPEAKERof the analog consoles for this,
22:36SPEAKERwhich those things are crazy.
22:39SPEAKER- Look.
22:39SPEAKER- I think Disaster Piece did the sound for one of them,
22:43SPEAKERif I'm not mistaken, like we-
22:44SPEAKER- Oh, the analog analog consoles.
22:46SPEAKER- Yeah, analog with a UE.
22:48SPEAKER- I didn't know that.
22:49SPEAKER- Like the FPGA based video game console company.
22:52SPEAKER- That's wild.
22:53SPEAKERI think Phil Fish did the boot up animation for one of them.
22:56SPEAKER- I'm suddenly much more interested in those.
22:57SPEAKER- It's like, they're cool.
22:59SPEAKERYou can go find them on YouTube,
23:00SPEAKERbut yeah, we'll see if we pull those in or not.
23:03SPEAKER- Okay, so let's do, let's pull,
23:05SPEAKERlet's pull, let's get a little crazy here.
23:08SPEAKERLet's do, what about a classic here?
23:12SPEAKERThis one, let's see if you recognize this one.
23:15SPEAKER- Well, I saw what you were clicking in the Google Docs,
23:17SPEAKERso I'm afraid I already know.
23:20SPEAKER- Oh.
23:23SPEAKER- Is that Windows Vista?
23:25SPEAKER- Yeah, you saw it in the Google Doc.
23:26SPEAKER- Yes, again.
23:27SPEAKER- It's not, yeah, okay.
23:28SPEAKERUnjust.
23:31SPEAKER- I'm not sure if I'm ready to rank Vista
23:33SPEAKERthat far out of order yet.
23:35SPEAKERI know I'm starting to think
23:35SPEAKERmaybe we should go chronologically.
23:37SPEAKER- You think we should go chronological?
23:38SPEAKER- My argument here is that I think that
23:40SPEAKERwe need to consider what's come before
23:42SPEAKERand how they have built upon or regressed from each other.
23:45SPEAKER- Okay, okay, so I can start with Windows.
23:47SPEAKERI'm gonna start with Windows 3.1.
23:48SPEAKERWe didn't do prior to Windows 3.1 just because-
23:51SPEAKER- You haven't even played it yet.
23:51SPEAKER- I'm typing Windows 3.1 under S.
23:54SPEAKER- What?
23:55SPEAKER- Just go ahead and play it.
23:56SPEAKERThis is a formality, but go ahead and play it.
23:57SPEAKER- Oh my God, I have words.
24:01SPEAKER- Just hit me with it.
24:02SPEAKERYeah.
24:03SPEAKER- Okay.
24:04SPEAKER- Again.
24:05SPEAKERAgain.
24:07SPEAKER- Ta-da!
24:09SPEAKER- I mean, it's probably objectively not great,
24:14SPEAKERbut remember when I talked about the nostalgia
24:15SPEAKERfor the PlayStation sound?
24:17SPEAKERThis is in my wheelhouse.
24:19SPEAKER- Really?
24:19SPEAKER- Yeah, hell yeah.
24:20SPEAKER- Okay, so my Windows 3.1 startup sound
24:23SPEAKERwas Homer Simpson saying-
24:24SPEAKER- Oh yeah, yeah.
24:25SPEAKER- Like, "I just replaced this immediately."
24:27SPEAKER- Mine was Yoda going, "I hope you like it, yes, hmm."
24:32SPEAKERBut like, still, well, but they actually,
24:36SPEAKERthey also use this for shutdown.
24:37SPEAKERLike when you closed, when you exited program manager,
24:40SPEAKERthey also used it there.
24:41SPEAKER- Yep.
24:42SPEAKER- Although I guess we're technically talking
24:43SPEAKERabout startup sounds here, but I mean,
24:45SPEAKERit's so dumb and festive and happy and excited.
24:50SPEAKER- I honestly, I just, I don't think it's very good.
24:55SPEAKERI think fundamentally it is,
24:57SPEAKERyeah, it's dumb, festive, happy, and excited.
25:00SPEAKERThose are all negatives from where I'm sitting.
25:02SPEAKER- You know, I wanna feel good and excited
25:04SPEAKERabout sitting down and using my computer.
25:07SPEAKER- I don't think that's what computers are for, Brad.
25:10SPEAKERI think this is a solid BA maybe at best.
25:15SPEAKER- I could see an A.
25:18SPEAKERI could see an A.
25:19SPEAKER- I mean, I can, look,
25:21SPEAKERI don't think we should be giving out S-tiers willy-nilly.
25:24SPEAKERThat's all I'm saying.
25:24SPEAKER- I definitely agree with that,
25:26SPEAKERwhich I might apply the same thing,
25:28SPEAKERreasoning to the Macintosh sound, but.
25:31SPEAKER- You mean the sound that started it all, the R sound.
25:34SPEAKER- Can I point out that this sound
25:35SPEAKERis literally called tada.wave?
25:37SPEAKER- Yeah.
25:38SPEAKER- And what better way to celebrate your sitting down
25:41SPEAKERand using your computer than tada?
25:44SPEAKER- I'm gonna open up the windows for work groups,
25:46SPEAKERWindows 3.11 sound.
25:49SPEAKER- Is it different?
25:50SPEAKER- I don't remember.
25:51SPEAKER- I don't remember it being different.
25:53SPEAKERThat to me is the exiting Windows sound.
25:55SPEAKER- Well, that's what they used for starting Windows.
25:57SPEAKERThey just didn't care.
25:58SPEAKER- Was it really?
25:59SPEAKER- Yeah, somebody just picked one.
26:00SPEAKER- That's true, there was, you're right,
26:02SPEAKERthere was very little sanctity to the choices
26:05SPEAKERthey were making at that time.
26:07SPEAKER- Yeah, there wasn't a decider on this one.
26:09SPEAKERIt was just whoever committed the last change got to choose.
26:13SPEAKER- Okay, are we treating these as separate then,
26:15SPEAKER3.1 and 3.11?
26:16SPEAKER- They're distinct OSs.
26:17SPEAKERI think 3.1.1 is a C or maybe a D.
26:20SPEAKER- Oh, really?
26:21SPEAKER- Yeah.
26:22SPEAKER- I'd say like B at worst, that's fine.
26:24SPEAKER- If we're reading sound effects, yeah,
26:25SPEAKERbut if we're reading startup sounds,
26:27SPEAKERthese don't have the grandeur and majesty
26:29SPEAKERthat a startup sound needs.
26:31SPEAKER- Yeah, maybe you're right.
26:33SPEAKERYeah, as a startup sound, it's fairly lackluster.
26:37SPEAKER- Yeah, it's like an eight-year sound effect for sure.
26:41SPEAKERBut eight-year startup sound?
26:44SPEAKER- Yeah, it's a good event sound.
26:46SPEAKER- Yeah.
26:47SPEAKER- All right, okay, fine, you know, C, sure.
26:51SPEAKER- So Windows 3.1, you think A is as low as it goes?
26:56SPEAKER- Yeah, for now.
26:57SPEAKER- Okay, I'm gonna push to bump that down later,
27:00SPEAKERbut we can revisit.
27:01SPEAKER- We can recalibrate as this thing piles up.
27:03SPEAKER- Should we pull another console?
27:04SPEAKERYou wanna dip into the,
27:07SPEAKERyou wanna stick with the PlayStation theme
27:09SPEAKERor do you wanna go for something a little more Sega-y?
27:13SPEAKER- Well, actually, yeah, do we wanna remain within a family,
27:17SPEAKERwithin a company's console,
27:19SPEAKERor do we wanna, for me, generations is better.
27:22SPEAKERMaybe comparing what the competition was doing
27:25SPEAKERat the same time is probably useful here.
27:27SPEAKER- The Saturn is tricky because they had
27:29SPEAKERdifferent startup sounds for different variants
27:31SPEAKERof the console.
27:31SPEAKER- Yeah, that's crazy.
27:32SPEAKERI didn't own a Saturn at the time,
27:34SPEAKERso that's kind of foreign to me.
27:36SPEAKER- I found this out when I was setting up
27:37SPEAKERmy Mr. Saturn core, and I was like,
27:40SPEAKER"Oh, I gotta get different BIOSes for this,"
27:42SPEAKERand then they all sounded different.
27:44SPEAKER- Now, I don't know if we've addressed this
27:45SPEAKER'cause we are recording this out of order.
27:47SPEAKERWe haven't recorded the intros for these shows yet,
27:49SPEAKERbut this is obviously an audio-only podcast,
27:51SPEAKERand most of these have visuals that go with them,
27:53SPEAKERand in some cases, like this one,
27:55SPEAKERI think those visuals are kind of key.
27:57SPEAKER- I don't think we should consider the visuals though.
27:59SPEAKERIt's the best startup sounds.
28:01SPEAKER- Yeah, I guess you're right.
28:02SPEAKERI'm just saying that from, okay,
28:04SPEAKERyou should play the Saturn one,
28:05SPEAKERbut what I remember of the Saturn one,
28:06SPEAKERthe sound evokes what's happening on the screen.
28:08SPEAKER- It's true, it does.
28:10SPEAKERI believe this is the U.S., U.K.,
28:13SPEAKERU.S., E.U., and Korea Sega Saturn startup sound, I believe.
28:18SPEAKER(
28:24SPEAKERe-mail chimes)
28:24SPEAKER- Because I don't have it in front of me,
28:25SPEAKERbut again, doesn't the Saturn boot up,
28:26SPEAKERlike kind of the screen shatter and come back together
28:27SPEAKERor something along those lines?
28:28SPEAKER- It starts with a bunch of particles,
28:30SPEAKERkind of like triangles flying in and around,
28:32SPEAKERand then they get sucked up all together,
28:35SPEAKERand it forms a Sega Saturn logo at the end,
28:38SPEAKERso here it is again.
28:39SPEAKER- Might be thinking of a Japanese one.
28:40SPEAKER(e-mail chimes)
28:43SPEAKERThat one's pretty harsh to me.
28:45SPEAKERI don't know, I don't think that's anything to do
28:48SPEAKERwith the quality of this call
28:49SPEAKERor the quality of the recording you're playing, necessarily.
28:52SPEAKERIt's a little shrill, though.
28:54SPEAKER- I mean, there's definitely a lot of highs in there
28:56SPEAKERin a way that I don't necessarily need.
28:59SPEAKER- I think that might be like a C to me.
29:02SPEAKER- Look, if I was including the Sega Saturn logo for the U.S.,
29:06SPEAKERwhich was, I think, actively terrible,
29:09SPEAKERthen it would probably drop to a D, as far as I'm concerned,
29:12SPEAKERbut I could see a C for this.
29:14SPEAKERThis seems right.
29:15SPEAKER- Okay, well, what about Saturn Japan?
29:17SPEAKER- Okay, so here's Saturn Japan.
29:19SPEAKERThere were apparently different manufacturers
29:22SPEAKERof the Saturn Japan.
29:23SPEAKER- Yeah, you run into that if you play with the Saturn core
29:26SPEAKERon the mystery world or in Saturn emulators as well.
29:28SPEAKERYou have to supply your own BIOS.
29:30SPEAKERPerhaps you've heard about this.
29:32SPEAKERSupply your own BIOS.
29:34SPEAKERNot legal to distribute the BIOS file,
29:35SPEAKERbut when you go out and configure those things,
29:38SPEAKERyou have to pick which Saturn BIOS you want to use
29:40SPEAKERto boot games with, and sure enough,
29:42SPEAKERthe Victor Saturn and the Hitachi Saturn,
29:44SPEAKERI don't know if those are really, are those in play here?
29:48SPEAKER'Cause those are such variants.
29:50SPEAKERThey're not the Sega-manufactured hardware.
29:53SPEAKER- They're on the list.
29:54SPEAKERThey have Saturn in the name.
29:56SPEAKERI think some of them are better than others.
29:57SPEAKERLet's play the Japan,
30:00SPEAKERjust the standard Japanese Saturn first.
30:03SPEAKER(dramatic music)
30:10SPEAKER- Now that's great. - Now that one owns.
30:11SPEAKER- Now that's great.
30:12SPEAKER- Yeah, that one's really good.
30:13SPEAKER- It's kind of like,
30:14SPEAKERit's kind of like they're revving an orchestra.
30:17SPEAKERIt sounds like they're revving a car,
30:18SPEAKERbut it's musical in some way.
30:20SPEAKER- It really does.
30:20SPEAKERIt feels like it's like the orchestra tune-up sound,
30:23SPEAKERbut literally somebody has the gas pedal
30:25SPEAKERand they're making it go faster.
30:26SPEAKERI'm gonna play it again.
30:28SPEAKER(dramatic music)
30:33SPEAKER(dramatic music)
30:35SPEAKER- And that boom at the beginning is mwah.
30:39SPEAKERIt's really good.
30:40SPEAKER- Yep, it's good.
30:41SPEAKERIt's real good.
30:41SPEAKERIs that the one that visually looks like
30:43SPEAKERthe screen is shattering?
30:45SPEAKER- It's still the pieces forming up
30:47SPEAKERand then it makes the screen at the end.
30:48SPEAKER- It might be the victor or the Hitachi
30:50SPEAKERthat I'm thinking of with that breaking glass
30:52SPEAKERkind of effect on it.
30:53SPEAKERBut yeah, I guess the visuals don't really matter here.
30:55SPEAKERI'm gonna say that's like an A at least.
30:57SPEAKER- I think that's A or S for me.
30:59SPEAKERThat's the best of the console ones so far.
31:01SPEAKERPut it at A for now.
31:03SPEAKER- I'm gonna play the victor.
31:05SPEAKERI can't remember which one's next.
31:06SPEAKERI think it's victor.
31:09SPEAKERThis is victor.
31:09SPEAKER(dramatic music)
31:15SPEAKERIt's exactly the same sound.
31:17SPEAKERThe difference is the logo says V Saturn
31:22SPEAKERinstead of Sega Saturn.
31:24SPEAKERAnd now, so I think that one we don't count
31:26SPEAKER'cause it sounds the same.
31:27SPEAKER- Yeah, I want to say the Hitachi is different though.
31:29SPEAKER- The Hitachi one's different, yeah.
31:31SPEAKER- So here it is.
31:32SPEAKERThis is the high Saturn.
31:33SPEAKER(dramatic music)
31:40SPEAKER- Also quite good.
31:42SPEAKER- See, I don't like that one as much.
31:43SPEAKER- I think for what it's worth,
31:45SPEAKERI think it's the high Saturn BIOS that I use
31:47SPEAKERwith the Mr. Core.
31:48SPEAKERI think that one is the most compatible.
31:50SPEAKER- So here we go again.
31:51SPEAKER(dramatic music)
31:57SPEAKERThat one has some good business
31:58SPEAKERwhere the letters fly towards you.
31:59SPEAKERThey're like extruded 3D letters
32:01SPEAKERand you fly between two rows of letters.
32:04SPEAKERAnd then it's a nice colorful logo.
32:06SPEAKERThis is a good logo.
32:08SPEAKERI don't like this sound as much.
32:09SPEAKERI think this is a D tier sound probably.
32:11SPEAKERC or D for me.
32:12SPEAKER- Wow, I was going to suggest a B maybe.
32:15SPEAKER- Wow.
32:15SPEAKER- Hit me one more time with it.
32:16SPEAKER- Okay, you want it one more time?
32:18SPEAKERI can give you one more time.
32:20SPEAKER- Deserves consideration.
32:21SPEAKER(dramatic music)
32:28SPEAKER- I think there's just too much stuff going on.
32:29SPEAKERIt's like got some alien twinges at the beginning
32:32SPEAKERand then it's like, oh, we got to get some chimes in here.
32:35SPEAKERThe brand is chimes, put the chimes in.
32:37SPEAKER- I guess I could see that.
32:39SPEAKER- I don't know, I'm not feeling it.
32:40SPEAKER- Yeah, okay, how about a C for now?
32:43SPEAKER- C is good.
32:43SPEAKERI can do a C.
32:44SPEAKER- Okay, we did not rank the victor, so.
32:47SPEAKER- Victor does, there's no vector for victor, sadly.
32:49SPEAKER- All right, that's all of the Saturn sounds then.
32:53SPEAKER- Okay, so that means we got Saturn, Japanese.
32:56SPEAKERThe stock Japan is an A.
32:58SPEAKERThe high Saturn and the U.S. Saturn are both Cs.
33:01SPEAKER- Yeah, that sounds right.
33:02SPEAKERAnd Nintendo, it should be pointed out.
33:04SPEAKERI mean, while it was a cartridge system,
33:06SPEAKERthere kind of wasn't really a boot animation to boot
33:09SPEAKERbecause there was no BIOS to boot.
33:10SPEAKERSo I guess N64 gets a pass here for what it's worth.
33:14SPEAKER- Yeah.
33:16SPEAKER- Okay, here we go.
33:18SPEAKERNot to start the show with the showstopper,
33:20SPEAKERbut if we're doing Windows in chronological order,
33:22SPEAKERit's 95 next.
33:24SPEAKER- Yeah, this is-- - We don't even need
33:26SPEAKERto listen to it.
33:28SPEAKER- You know what, never hurts though.
33:29SPEAKER- This is, absolutely not.
33:31SPEAKERI'm just typing it under S already though.
33:33SPEAKER- Yeah, that's right.
33:34SPEAKER(gentle music)
33:39SPEAKER- Like whatever they paid Brian Eno,
33:41SPEAKERthat money did not go to waste.
33:43SPEAKER- It's just amazing to me that it's such a crappy version.
33:47SPEAKER- That is the second or third or maybe number one thing
33:50SPEAKERI wanted to come in here and say about this.
33:51SPEAKERIt is fucking criminal that Microsoft has never released
33:53SPEAKERa higher quality version of that file.
33:55SPEAKER- Yeah, right.
33:56SPEAKERWell, like why does it have hiss?
33:57SPEAKERIt's a digital file.
33:58SPEAKER- Well, it's very low quality.
34:00SPEAKERI meant to, this is, it's been a busy month
34:03SPEAKERgetting content ready for the holidays here,
34:04SPEAKERbut I meant to go download a Windows 95 ISO
34:08SPEAKERand pull the actual WAV file from it to double-check.
34:10SPEAKERBut my memory of that file is that it is at best
34:14SPEAKERlike 22 kilohertz, eight bit audio.
34:16SPEAKER- Yeah, it's really, really low-fi.
34:18SPEAKER- It might be 11 kilohertz,
34:20SPEAKERbut this was pre-audio compression.
34:22SPEAKERYou know, like this was pre,
34:23SPEAKERI mean, it existed in academic contexts,
34:26SPEAKERbut like in terms of like end-user facing audio compression,
34:29SPEAKERI mean, that's still several years before MP3s and MP,
34:32SPEAKERor I've said this many times, my first MP3 was an MP2.
34:36SPEAKER- My first MP3 was also an MP2,
34:37SPEAKERbut look, they had room for a buddy,
34:40SPEAKERfor a Weezer video and what's-her-name-
34:43SPEAKER- Those sound like shit too, though.
34:44SPEAKER- Yeah, but- - E.D. Brickell,
34:46SPEAKERbut those also- - E.D. Brickell, yeah.
34:46SPEAKER- Those also sound bad, and that was on the CD, you know?
34:49SPEAKER- That's true, it was on the CD.
34:50SPEAKER- This is something that needed to fit on floppy disks
34:53SPEAKERand also fit into memory at boot
34:55SPEAKERand just not be super low impact or high impact.
34:58SPEAKER- I mean, I guess we're talking about a time
34:59SPEAKERwhen machines had like two megabytes of RAM,
35:02SPEAKERfour megabytes of RAM, so- - Yeah, yeah, and slow CPUs,
35:05SPEAKERwhich, you know, that also matters,
35:06SPEAKERbut yes, they absolutely should have put out
35:09SPEAKERa higher quality version of this thing since then.
35:11SPEAKERIt is really shitty just from a computer history standpoint.
35:14SPEAKERIt's really shitty that they have not done so.
35:15SPEAKER- I wonder if they have it.
35:17SPEAKER- Yeah, that's entirely possible.
35:18SPEAKER- 'Cause like a lot of this era, like the THI,
35:21SPEAKERlike famously some of the masters for these are lost
35:24SPEAKERor missing or the way they generated them
35:26SPEAKERis impossible to recreate now, so like, yeah.
35:29SPEAKER- I mean, it's possible that Eno still has it in some form.
35:31SPEAKERI don't know what his workflow
35:33SPEAKERand his archiving practices are like,
35:35SPEAKERbut have you ever read the,
35:37SPEAKERyou ever read his comments on making this thing?
35:39SPEAKER- No.
35:40SPEAKER- He's talked about how creatively invigorating
35:42SPEAKERit was to make this.
35:43SPEAKERI think he said he composed 80-something pieces for this
35:46SPEAKERbefore he settled on the one to turn in.
35:50SPEAKERI think, I don't have the quote in front of me,
35:52SPEAKERbut it's effectively, he had like kind of a creative log jam
35:55SPEAKERon whatever album he was working on at the time.
35:57SPEAKER- Yeah.
35:58SPEAKER- And he had to take a break from that
35:58SPEAKERto do this job for Microsoft.
36:00SPEAKERAnd he said his head like exploded with creativity
36:03SPEAKERbecause composing three seconds of music
36:05SPEAKERwas such a novel challenge.
36:07SPEAKER- I can see that, right?
36:09SPEAKER- Kind of like making something that felt like
36:11SPEAKERa complete beginning, middle and end in three seconds
36:13SPEAKERwas so off beat for what he normally did
36:16SPEAKERthat he like loved the process
36:18SPEAKERand just made dozens of these things.
36:20SPEAKERAnd also boy, would it be cool to hear
36:22SPEAKERsome of those other types of that.
36:23SPEAKER- I would love to hear the other ones, yeah.
36:25SPEAKER- Why don't you like pepper it in here a couple more times
36:27SPEAKERwhile we're wrapping up on it?
36:28SPEAKER- Yeah.
36:29SPEAKER(gentle music)
36:33SPEAKER- Like there is just, there is an ineffable quality to it.
36:36SPEAKERIt's like, I don't even know how to,
36:39SPEAKERI mean, I guess that's the point of something being ineffable
36:41SPEAKERis you can't really describe it,
36:42SPEAKERbut there's something like, it's not exactly optimistic,
36:47SPEAKERbut it's a little bit like forward-looking
36:49SPEAKERand like kind of implies future potential.
36:52SPEAKERAnd like, I'm kind of mixing this with like the cloud imagery
36:56SPEAKERthat was all over the Windows 95 packaging
36:58SPEAKERand wallpaper and stuff.
37:00SPEAKERThat's just like, there's something,
37:01SPEAKERthere's a bit of a like head in the clouds quality to this.
37:05SPEAKER- The thing about it is it's the amuse-bouche for Windows.
37:08SPEAKERThat's what all of these sounds are.
37:09SPEAKERThese are the amuse-bouche for your device.
37:11SPEAKERYou're getting that first little taste.
37:13SPEAKERAnd we came from this.
37:15SPEAKER(gentle music)
37:16SPEAKERAnd we went to this.
37:19SPEAKER(gentle music)
37:22SPEAKER- It's good.
37:24SPEAKERIt's good and like weirdly tasteful maybe
37:26SPEAKERfor Microsoft of the era.
37:28SPEAKER- Well, again, even though the sound quality is crap
37:30SPEAKERand it had hiss and all this other technical stuff
37:32SPEAKERthat's bad about it, it still sounds really freaking,
37:36SPEAKERlike it sounds like something you've never heard before,
37:39SPEAKERwhich was kind of amazing.
37:41SPEAKERNow, I kind of want to do the Windows NT one here
37:44SPEAKERat the same time 'cause the NT4,
37:46SPEAKERand I think 98, they might share the same one.
37:48SPEAKERMaybe NT4 is a different one.
37:49SPEAKERI can't remember. - Yeah, real quick
37:50SPEAKERbefore you play it, I will just say,
37:52SPEAKERyou can find no end of YouTube videos
37:54SPEAKERof people trying to recreate the Windows 95 sound perfectly
37:56SPEAKERin modern software. - Oh, yeah.
37:58SPEAKER- And like, it's cool to hear it in high fidelity,
38:00SPEAKERbut nobody has ever gotten it pitch perfect 100% to my ear.
38:04SPEAKERLike, several of them that I've heard
38:07SPEAKERare like kind of 95, 98% there,
38:09SPEAKERbut there's always one little thing or two
38:12SPEAKERthat's just something about the timing
38:13SPEAKERor the tone of the instrumentation's just never quite there.
38:16SPEAKER- None of them have the juice.
38:18SPEAKERYou want to hear NT4? - Yeah.
38:19SPEAKER- You've probably never heard this one before.
38:20SPEAKER- No, I ran NT4 for a fair amount of time.
38:24SPEAKER- Okay, so here we go.
38:25SPEAKER(dramatic music)
38:33SPEAKER- It's not bad.
38:34SPEAKERIt may be a little overwrought to me.
38:36SPEAKER- It's very industrial.
38:38SPEAKER- Yeah, kind of.
38:38SPEAKERThere's just sort of a lot going on there.
38:40SPEAKER(dramatic music)
38:44SPEAKERI like that balm.
38:46SPEAKER- There's some nice stuff in there, for sure.
38:48SPEAKERNot that visuals matter too much here,
38:50SPEAKERbut didn't NT4.0 have like that nighttime sky motif
38:54SPEAKERto Windows 95's starry daytime sky, right?
38:56SPEAKER- Look, it was for serious work.
38:57SPEAKERThey were dark mode people.
38:58SPEAKER- Right.
39:00SPEAKERLike, it didn't have that little like starry night back--
39:02SPEAKER- I think so, yeah. - Graphic when you log in.
39:04SPEAKER- The logo was darker, generally speaking, too.
39:07SPEAKERSorry, I didn't mean to play it again there, but yeah.
39:09SPEAKERThat one's okay, that's like a B for me, I think, at best.
39:14SPEAKERI don't think that makes an A for me.
39:17SPEAKER- Wow, even with these chimes at the end,
39:19SPEAKERlike these chimes are pretty good.
39:20SPEAKERLet's hear it one more time.
39:22SPEAKERI'll give you the whole thing.
39:24SPEAKER(dramatic music)
39:33SPEAKERYou know, you're kind of right.
39:34SPEAKERAlso, it kind of has an indescribable karaoke vibe to it.
39:38SPEAKER- Okay.
39:40SPEAKER- It's like, hey, we paid Brian Eno a boatload of money
39:44SPEAKERto make this first one.
39:46SPEAKERAnd now Steve over in accounting,
39:48SPEAKERhe has a keyboard and some sense.
39:51SPEAKERJust do that again, but make it a little darker.
39:54SPEAKER- This is going to be a common theme
39:55SPEAKERfor subsequent Windows startup sounds.
39:58SPEAKER- There's a couple of bangers in there.
39:59SPEAKER- They're not all bad, to be clear.
40:00SPEAKERSome of them are pretty good, but that's one of the,
40:03SPEAKERalmost all of them, every single one as we get through them,
40:06SPEAKERI think we will find are all just like that Brian Eno one,
40:09SPEAKERbut not as good.
40:10SPEAKERLike, they're all going for the same thing.
40:12SPEAKER- Yeah, I think B for this is right.
40:15SPEAKERB feels right.
40:16SPEAKER- I'm okay with that.
40:17SPEAKER- I'm going to jump.
40:18SPEAKEROkay, so we got two S rankings right now,
40:20SPEAKERoriginal Macintosh sound and Windows 95.
40:23SPEAKERThis is utterly predictable.
40:25SPEAKERPlayStation, Windows 3.1 in Saturn, Japan, and A.
40:28SPEAKERI don't know about that Windows 3.1 one.
40:30SPEAKERI feel like it's dick waning here.
40:34SPEAKERB tier is the M1 current Mac sound,
40:36SPEAKERthe PS5 sound, and Windows NT4.
40:40SPEAKERC is Windows 3.1, Saturn US, and Hitachi Saturn, Japan.
40:45SPEAKERAnd then D is the Apple E-Mate.
40:48SPEAKER- Which I think the E-Mate is only being considered
40:52SPEAKERso we have something to put under D so far.
40:54SPEAKER- Oh, there's more, trust me, there's more Ds coming.
40:56SPEAKER- Okay, so we're back to consoles.
40:59SPEAKERI'm going to argue, well, no, that's a lot.
41:01SPEAKERI was going to say, maybe we should do all the consoles
41:03SPEAKERfrom this generation in a block here.
41:05SPEAKER- We can, I'm down for that.
41:06SPEAKER- But that is Dreamcast, PS2, GameCube, and Xbox.
41:09SPEAKERI mean, I would say this is the golden age
41:11SPEAKERof console startup sounds.
41:13SPEAKER- Yeah, this is the pinnacle, as far as I'm concerned.
41:16SPEAKER- PS1 and Saturn are great,
41:18SPEAKERbut they were really going forward at this time
41:19SPEAKERand boot up animations.
41:21SPEAKERLike Dreamcast came out first, so let's start there.
41:24SPEAKER- Oh, Dreamcast first?
41:24SPEAKERI was going to do Xbox first.
41:25SPEAKER- No, no, that was the last one that came out.
41:27SPEAKER- Oh, oh.
41:29SPEAKERHere's Dreamcast coming in.
41:31SPEAKER(eerie music)
41:35SPEAKERFuck, man.
41:39SPEAKER- Listen to the dripping.
41:40SPEAKER- That is an instant S tier to me.
41:44SPEAKERIt's so moody and atmospheric.
41:47SPEAKER- You see, I came into this thinking
41:49SPEAKERit was going to be hard to beat the GameCube
41:50SPEAKERand like, that's a banger.
41:52SPEAKER- Yeah, I'm conscious of maybe not giving out
41:56SPEAKERtoo many Ss here too willy-nilly.
41:58SPEAKER- You know what, here's the thing though.
42:00SPEAKER'Cause the GameCube is also absolutely killer,
42:03SPEAKERbut anyway, go on.
42:05SPEAKER- Hold on.
42:09SPEAKER- I hadn't thought about the Dreamcast boot up sound
42:11SPEAKERin 10 or 15 years at this point, probably.
42:15SPEAKERMaybe, it's been a while since I turned on a Dreamcast,
42:17SPEAKERbut I forgot how good that is.
42:19SPEAKER- I was going to say, the other thing that's happening here,
42:21SPEAKERand we're not getting it on the podcast
42:22SPEAKER'cause the podcast is unfortunately mono,
42:25SPEAKERbut these are also stereo and have good,
42:28SPEAKERI feel like the Dreamcast one and the GameCube one
42:31SPEAKERboth have some binaural business going on
42:33SPEAKERso that you get the left and the right
42:35SPEAKERand it feels real weird in your ear holes.
42:37SPEAKERIt's pretty good.
42:38SPEAKERThis is an S for me, 100%.
42:39SPEAKER- Yeah, it's fantastic.
42:41SPEAKER- Yeah, impossible to beat.
42:43SPEAKERIt sets up, actually, if you want to knock this one,
42:47SPEAKERthe problem is it sets a mood and a tone
42:50SPEAKERthat the console cannot live up to.
42:54SPEAKERNothing on the console is as good as this sound.
42:57SPEAKER- You're gonna get some angry letters about that.
43:00SPEAKERLook, the Dreamcast is very good.
43:01SPEAKER- Shenmue is not as good as this.
43:03SPEAKER- The Dreamcast is, well, I mean.
43:05SPEAKER- I love my Dreamcast, right?
43:07SPEAKER- Dreamcast is a great console.
43:08SPEAKERGone too soon.
43:10SPEAKER- Yeah.
43:11SPEAKERI hooked it up so that we could play Samba Demi Go
43:13SPEAKERa few weeks ago.
43:14SPEAKERI played Crazy Taxi within the last two years.
43:17SPEAKERIt's an all-timer.
43:18SPEAKER- Choo-Choo Rocket, perhaps?
43:20SPEAKER- Oh, Choo-Choo Rocket's fucking great.
43:22SPEAKERBut like that sound, the sound is,
43:25SPEAKERthere's a fidelity mismatch in the contract
43:29SPEAKERwith the audience that this sound is better
43:31SPEAKERthan anything else they did.
43:33SPEAKER- Again, I'm just gonna decline to comment.
43:39SPEAKER- Yeah, it's really good.
43:40SPEAKEROkay, so which one do you want?
43:41SPEAKERIt's PlayStation 2 next?
43:43SPEAKERIs that chronological?
43:44SPEAKER- Yeah, they're in the dock in the order they came out.
43:46SPEAKER- Okay, so here's the PS2.
43:52SPEAKER(crowd booing)
43:56SPEAKER- I'm torn on this one because it might be,
43:59SPEAKERit might be my favorite console boot up.
44:02SPEAKERNow that I'm saying this, I'm second guessing myself.
44:04SPEAKERIt's up there among my favorite console boot ups.
44:08SPEAKERYou know that-
44:09SPEAKER- Does it do the thing again
44:11SPEAKERwhere it only does the PlayStation logo
44:13SPEAKERif the disc is in?
44:15SPEAKER- In this case, the sound, like the disc startup sound,
44:19SPEAKERlike you have put in valid software sound
44:20SPEAKERis just that little boop at the end.
44:22SPEAKER- Boop at the end, okay.
44:23SPEAKER- It's when the PlayStation 2 logo appears on the screen.
44:25SPEAKERIt's just that tiny little stinger sound at the end.
44:28SPEAKER- This one's real harsh for me.
44:29SPEAKERLike this initial chime stuff here.
44:32SPEAKER- I think, yeah, it is pretty harsh hearing it
44:34SPEAKERin headphones without the visual.
44:36SPEAKERI think it works super well with the visual,
44:39SPEAKERbut I know we're not really considering that here.
44:41SPEAKER- I mean, I'm open to considering visuals, but-
44:43SPEAKER- Are you watching a video?
44:45SPEAKERI can just call all these to mind 'cause I-
44:47SPEAKER- I'm watching videos
44:47SPEAKER'cause I'm not super familiar with a lot of these.
44:49SPEAKERI have done nothing with my life but play video games,
44:51SPEAKERbut this isn't really germane,
44:54SPEAKERbut I love dropping random facts
44:56SPEAKERthat the visual you get,
44:57SPEAKERthose columns that are kind of emerging out of the ether
45:01SPEAKERare programmatic based on,
45:03SPEAKERI'd have to look up the factors,
45:04SPEAKERbut I think it's like,
45:05SPEAKERI want to say it's like reading your memory card
45:07SPEAKERand those are-
45:08SPEAKER- It's like the blocks stored on your memory cards?
45:10SPEAKER- They're not, I don't think the representations
45:12SPEAKERof storage as such,
45:13SPEAKERbut it's more like pulling stats from some of your stuff.
45:17SPEAKER- I'd have to follow up on this to really say for sure,
45:19SPEAKERbut I distinctly remember reading
45:22SPEAKERthat those columns are generated on the fly
45:24SPEAKERbased on unique data on your PS2.
45:26SPEAKER- This one's a C, I think, for me.
45:28SPEAKER- It's a rad detail,
45:29SPEAKERbut it doesn't really factor into the sound ranking
45:32SPEAKERon an audio podcast, I suppose.
45:34SPEAKER- Yeah, I think the sound is,
45:35SPEAKERI don't think this is anywhere near as good
45:37SPEAKERas the Dreamcast sound,
45:38SPEAKERand I think this is maybe even sub PS5 sound.
45:42SPEAKER- C seems harsh to me.
45:44SPEAKERPlay it one more time.
45:46SPEAKER(dramatic music)
45:54SPEAKER- I think the best part of it's that whoosh.
45:57SPEAKERIt doesn't have any of the mood or grandeur
45:59SPEAKERthat the Dreamcast wants.
46:00SPEAKERListen to this.
46:01SPEAKERPlay Dreamcast again.
46:03SPEAKER(dramatic music)
46:07SPEAKERLike, what are all those drips?
46:09SPEAKERIs it leaking in here?
46:10SPEAKERI don't know, I'm curious.
46:11SPEAKERI have questions.
46:12SPEAKEROh, I didn't mean to play it again, shoot.
46:14SPEAKER- Oh, that's great.
46:15SPEAKER- Yeah, it's really good.
46:17SPEAKER- I did Google around real quick.
46:20SPEAKERIt seems a bit mixed, but generally,
46:23SPEAKERlike, okay, here's one site.
46:27SPEAKERThe amount of towers indicate how many games you've saved
46:29SPEAKERand the height of the towers, how long you've played them.
46:32SPEAKER- Wow.
46:33SPEAKER- Others are just saying it's how many save games you have
46:36SPEAKERon the memory cards.
46:39SPEAKER- Man.
46:39SPEAKER- But the fact that those are dynamic based on play data,
46:41SPEAKERI think is incredibly rad.
46:43SPEAKERBut again, doesn't really matter here.
46:45SPEAKER- I miss the days when consoles
46:48SPEAKERweren't necessarily internet connected,
46:49SPEAKERso that didn't feel like a huge invasion of privacy
46:51SPEAKERto collect that data, and it's just a cool thing
46:55SPEAKERthat has happened because of the way you play your games.
46:57SPEAKER- Yeah, it pains me to say it, but is this a C?
47:01SPEAKER- I think this is a C, man.
47:02SPEAKER- I could see a B.
47:04SPEAKER- I don't, look.
47:05SPEAKER- The PS2 is a very cool console,
47:07SPEAKERand that again is like one of my favorite console bootups,
47:09SPEAKERbut I feel like the sound in a vacuum is maybe not the best.
47:12SPEAKER- Now, if we wanna hear, you wanna hear a banger sound.
47:18SPEAKER- Oh yeah.
47:19SPEAKER- I've got three options for you.
47:20SPEAKER- Well, two are just for funsies, but go ahead.
47:24SPEAKER- Two of them are real.
47:25SPEAKER- No, no, no, I know they're all real.
47:27SPEAKERI'm just like, two of them are just fun peculiarities.
47:29SPEAKER- Yeah. - Anyway, go ahead.
47:30SPEAKER- Weird stuff.
47:31SPEAKER- It's the GameCube, go ahead and play the GameCube.
47:34SPEAKER(upbeat music)
47:38SPEAKERNow, I'm just gonna say this again,
47:40SPEAKERthe visuals don't matter here,
47:41SPEAKERbut this is the single best union of visuals and sound
47:44SPEAKERon this entire list.
47:46SPEAKER- I think that's probably right.
47:47SPEAKER- Like the sounds perfectly track that thing folding,
47:51SPEAKERunfolding on the screen,
47:52SPEAKERand the whole way the logo folds out at the end,
47:55SPEAKERlike it's just, it's a great sound.
47:57SPEAKER- And then you're like, hey, it's a G,
47:59SPEAKERit makes a G and it's made of cubes.
48:01SPEAKERThis is right on the nose, and it's such whimsy.
48:06SPEAKERListen to this again.
48:07SPEAKER- Yep.
48:08SPEAKER(upbeat music)
48:12SPEAKERI mean, this is prime Nintendo having fun
48:14SPEAKERwith its product era.
48:16SPEAKER- And like, we're not talking about the videos,
48:18SPEAKERbut like the way that the last cube smacks into place
48:21SPEAKERand the whole object moves, and it's like,
48:24SPEAKERit's clear that the people who did the animation
48:26SPEAKERare not just good computer animators,
48:28SPEAKERbut actually understand 2D animation
48:29SPEAKERand a bunch of other stuff,
48:30SPEAKER'cause of the way the whole thing warps is spectacular.
48:33SPEAKER- Yep, it's great.
48:34SPEAKER- This is instant S tier.
48:36SPEAKER- Yes, this is just an S.
48:38SPEAKER- Yeah, now there's two other alts.
48:40SPEAKERI don't know if we should rank these,
48:41SPEAKERbut I think these happened when you held down buttons
48:44SPEAKERon the controllers, is that right?
48:46SPEAKER- Yes, they were basically hidden alternate sounds
48:49SPEAKERfor this thing.
48:50SPEAKER- Okay, so this is when you hold down one button
48:52SPEAKERon one controller.
48:55SPEAKER(upbeat music)
48:56SPEAKER- Yep, there it is.
49:00SPEAKER- I mean, it's pretty good. - It's just dumb.
49:02SPEAKER- The kid laughing at the end, it really sells it.
49:04SPEAKERI never knew this, this is not a thing I knew.
49:06SPEAKER- Oh yeah, oh yeah, it was a fun,
49:09SPEAKERwe would do that in the GameSpot office here and there.
49:11SPEAKERPlay that again, is there a dog barking in there?
49:14SPEAKER- I, there's squeaks for sure.
49:17SPEAKER- There's a boing or two.
49:18SPEAKER(squeaking)
49:22SPEAKERIt kinda sounds like a computerized puppy barking.
49:26SPEAKER- There's a spring, I think it's a kid.
49:29SPEAKER- Well, there's definitely the child at the end, but.
49:31SPEAKER(squeaking)
49:34SPEAKERThat sounds like a dog in a video game barking to me,
49:36SPEAKERbut anyway.
49:37SPEAKER- It's, to me, the squeaks sound like squeaky clown shoes.
49:40SPEAKER- Yeah, sure, okay.
49:41SPEAKERAll right, and then we've got the samurai one.
49:43SPEAKER- Yeah, then this is if you had four controllers,
49:45SPEAKERwhich I didn't know anybody who had four controllers.
49:47SPEAKER(upbeat music)
49:52SPEAKER- That one's also pretty great.
49:53SPEAKER- The womb when the cube hits the G is quite good.
49:58SPEAKER- Yep, you know, I'm fine with not ranking these though.
50:01SPEAKERI think those are a fun goof, a fun Easter egg, but.
50:05SPEAKER- I think novelty, we have to,
50:08SPEAKERyou look, we have to hold the line somewhere, you know?
50:11SPEAKER- Yep, agreed.
50:12SPEAKERAll right, well.
50:12SPEAKER- Okay, and the last one for this generation
50:14SPEAKERis the original Xbox, the Xbox One Arabic, not the Xbox.
50:20SPEAKER- Yes, the OG Xbox is usually the best way
50:24SPEAKERI can think to describe it these days.
50:25SPEAKERThanks, Microsoft.
50:26SPEAKER- Yeah, green and a bad logo.
50:29SPEAKERHere we go.
50:30SPEAKER(wind whooshing)
50:36SPEAKER- Yeah, I'm much like the PS2.
50:38SPEAKERThis one is a, this is a sound that evokes what's happening
50:40SPEAKERon the screen very well,
50:41SPEAKERbut I don't think is very good as a sound on its own.
50:44SPEAKER- Yeah, I agree.
50:45SPEAKERI think this is a, this may be even a D.
50:46SPEAKERI'm not, I don't love this one.
50:48SPEAKERI'm gonna play it again.
50:49SPEAKER- That's, I can see it.
50:53SPEAKER(wind whooshing)
50:59SPEAKERI mean, for people who don't know,
51:00SPEAKERyou're effectively seeing kind of like
51:02SPEAKERa giant green nuclear reactor that is-
51:05SPEAKER- It's like a blob, yeah.
51:07SPEAKER- Implied to be inside of your super powerful Xbox.
51:10SPEAKER- And I'd like, for what it's worth,
51:11SPEAKERI like the chimes at the end.
51:12SPEAKERI think the chimes are the best part.
51:14SPEAKER- That's easily the best part.
51:15SPEAKER- All of the machine sounds at the beginning
51:17SPEAKERare not what I want to hear every time I turn on.
51:19SPEAKER- There's some bubbly squishy stuff in there as well.
51:22SPEAKER- Yeah. - Which is weird.
51:23SPEAKERYeah, I'm fine with this at a D.
51:25SPEAKER- Like they needed a misphonia mode for this thing.
51:27SPEAKER- Yeah.
51:29SPEAKER- Okay, so what is this, fourth generation consoles,
51:33SPEAKERfifth generation consoles?
51:34SPEAKER- Oh, we do not use generational numbers for consoles here.
51:37SPEAKER- Oh, we don't, okay.
51:38SPEAKER- Those are fake.
51:39SPEAKER- Oh, good to know.
51:40SPEAKER- Those don't mean anything.
51:41SPEAKER- So these are 128-bit consoles then.
51:43SPEAKER- Yeah, there you go.
51:44SPEAKERNow you are designating correctly.
51:46SPEAKER- Yeah.
51:47SPEAKER- Windows 98?
51:49SPEAKER- Yeah, we could go up to Windows 98.
51:50SPEAKERYou wanna, this might be the same as,
51:53SPEAKERthis is similar to the NT4 one, I think.
51:55SPEAKERI can't remember.
51:56SPEAKER- I thought I remembered 98 having its own thing.
51:58SPEAKER- I think you're, actually I think you're right
52:00SPEAKERas I look at the picture now.
52:01SPEAKERMy brain, I'm closing tabs.
52:04SPEAKERHere's Windows 98.
52:12SPEAKER- Just nowhere near the 95 one.
52:14SPEAKER- It's got no, like, it's got no juice.
52:18SPEAKERIt has absolutely, it's the most milk toast sound
52:20SPEAKERthey've ever made, I think.
52:22SPEAKER- Yeah.
52:23SPEAKER- I think I prefer to dah to this.
52:25SPEAKER- Oh, definitely.
52:26SPEAKERI mean, like it's without saying.
52:28SPEAKER(dramatic music)
52:31SPEAKER- It's not, it's not bad.
52:32SPEAKERIt's just kind of generic.
52:34SPEAKER- Do you know what the first thing I did
52:35SPEAKERwhen I installed Windows 98 and I heard this was?
52:37SPEAKER- Replace it with the Windows 95 one?
52:38SPEAKER- I went and downloaded the Windows 95 one
52:40SPEAKERand put it on here instead.
52:41SPEAKER- Good, good.
52:42SPEAKER- Yeah, this is a D, solid D.
52:43SPEAKER- Man, really?
52:45SPEAKER- Yeah, fuck them.
52:46SPEAKER- I was gonna put it at a C, but.
52:47SPEAKER- They took art.
52:48SPEAKERThis is like, they looked at the Mona Lisa
52:50SPEAKERand then they were like, you know what?
52:51SPEAKERI can do this, and they drew an XKCD.
52:53SPEAKER- Yeah, sure, okay.
52:54SPEAKERYou know, just in the spirit
52:55SPEAKERof having a more balanced tier list,
52:57SPEAKERI'd sure help with that as a D.
52:59SPEAKER- Yeah, it's about hot takes.
53:01SPEAKER- And probably just move on from there.
53:03SPEAKER- Yeah, that seems like the right choice.
53:05SPEAKERThe less said, the better.
53:07SPEAKER- Should we maybe do a few more Windows here
53:09SPEAKERsince we burned through a bunch of console?
53:10SPEAKER- We can do some, do you wanna hit a Windows ME?
53:13SPEAKER- Sure.
53:14SPEAKER- Or Millennium Edition?
53:17SPEAKER- Sure.
53:18SPEAKER- Who doesn't wanna hear the Windows ME startup sound?
53:20SPEAKERThis is the sound that like 18 people have heard
53:22SPEAKER'cause nobody bought this. - I was gonna say, yeah.
53:24SPEAKER- Yeah, here we go.
53:25SPEAKER(gentle music)
53:29SPEAKER- The secret of this one is this one's pretty good.
53:31SPEAKER- It's not bad.
53:32SPEAKERLike it, it sounds a little khakis to me.
53:36SPEAKERLike it's a little bit-
53:38SPEAKER- I mean, look, Dockers were the official pants
53:40SPEAKERof Microsoft at this point, so.
53:42SPEAKER- It's a little bit nerdy, business, casual,
53:45SPEAKERMicrosoft style kind of thing to me.
53:49SPEAKER- Have you ever watched any of those,
53:50SPEAKERlike the videos, like the corporate,
53:53SPEAKERlike "Innertro 3000 presents,"
53:57SPEAKER(imitates music)
53:59SPEAKER- I have not.
53:59SPEAKER- It's like got, it's got, definitely got that vibe.
54:01SPEAKER- I'm sure, yeah. - Right?
54:03SPEAKER(gentle music)
54:06SPEAKER- It's pleasant, the piano makes it pleasant.
54:08SPEAKERLike it's got a pleasant vibe to it.
54:10SPEAKERIt's just a little bit, I don't know,
54:12SPEAKERlet's milk toast. - Boring.
54:14SPEAKER- Yeah, bland.
54:15SPEAKER- Yeah.
54:16SPEAKER- I've been, I could see it at a C.
54:19SPEAKER- But I think it's better, I think it's better than,
54:23SPEAKERI think it's better than a C.
54:25SPEAKERI think this is the one place,
54:26SPEAKERthis is the one good thing that Windows ME has going for it.
54:30SPEAKER- Sure. - You know, kill toss.
54:32SPEAKER- Yeah. - And this sound, pretty good.
54:34SPEAKER- Yeah, okay. - I think this is a B for me.
54:36SPEAKER- Really?
54:37SPEAKER- I think this is a good one.
54:39SPEAKERYou wanna play it again?
54:40SPEAKER- I don't know.
54:42SPEAKER(gentle music)
54:46SPEAKER- When we both use words like bland and boring,
54:48SPEAKERI'm not sure that that rises to B exactly.
54:51SPEAKER- But look, it's hopeful and bland.
54:53SPEAKERThat's like, this is like,
54:57SPEAKERwhat's the band, what's the right band for this?
55:01SPEAKERThis is like the gin blossoms of Windows startup sounds.
55:05SPEAKER- Sure, sure.
55:07SPEAKER- Gin blossoms are a B.
55:08SPEAKERThey're not a C, they're not good.
55:11SPEAKERNobody's gonna say, yeah,
55:12SPEAKERthe gin blossoms are my favorite band.
55:14SPEAKERBut like every gin blossom song comes on,
55:16SPEAKERyou kind of bop your head and you sing along to it.
55:18SPEAKER- Someone is enraged right now.
55:20SPEAKER- Look, if people don't scream at their radios
55:22SPEAKERduring tier lists, then we're doing it wrong.
55:24SPEAKER- I suppose that's a fair point.
55:25SPEAKERShould we try to get up through XP?
55:29SPEAKERMaybe we should try to get up through XP here.
55:30SPEAKER- Yeah, we can do that.
55:31SPEAKER- Kind of going in eras of stuff here.
55:34SPEAKER- Yeah, it's hard to believe
55:35SPEAKERthis was all like a five-year period.
55:37SPEAKER- I know, it's crazy to think
55:38SPEAKERhow fast new Windows releases came out back then.
55:40SPEAKER- Well, it's 'cause they realized
55:41SPEAKERthat if they did one every year,
55:42SPEAKERthey could make way more money for people.
55:44SPEAKER- They sure did.
55:45SPEAKERBut also like computers were getting rapidly better,
55:48SPEAKERlike everything was improving very quickly back then.
55:50SPEAKER- Also true.
55:52SPEAKEROkay, so this is Windows 2000 Professional
55:54SPEAKERbuilt on NT technology.
55:56SPEAKER- Yep, they find Windows.
55:59SPEAKERHey, hang on.
56:01SPEAKERHang on.
56:01SPEAKER- No, this is a solid B tier, I think, probably.
56:05SPEAKER- Hang on, can you play the ME one again?
56:07SPEAKER- Yeah, you wanna hear the ME?
56:08SPEAKERWhy would you wanna hear the ME one again?
56:09SPEAKERI thought you didn't like it.
56:10SPEAKERI thought it was bland.
56:11SPEAKER- I need to compare and contrast here.
56:15SPEAKERAre they literally the same?
56:17SPEAKER- They're exactly the same.
56:21SPEAKER- Hmm, maybe we should move it up a notch.
56:25SPEAKER- No, what?
56:26SPEAKER- I just happened to, I like Windows.
56:29SPEAKERWindows 2000 is one of the best Windowses.
56:32SPEAKERI have very fond memories of Windows 2000.
56:34SPEAKER- Windows 2000 was fantastic.
56:35SPEAKER- It was great.
56:36SPEAKER- Let's get two CPUs.
56:37SPEAKER- Yeah, I certainly did not have that problem.
56:40SPEAKERBut I was very,
56:42SPEAKERsomebody who tried to run NT 4 for a long time
56:44SPEAKERand you know how spotty compatibility was on that.
56:49SPEAKERGetting the NT kernel in a much more stable and robust
56:52SPEAKERand sort of consumer-focused version of.
56:55SPEAKER- With full DirectX?
56:57SPEAKERIt was great.
56:57SPEAKER- Full DirectX, you could play all the games.
56:59SPEAKERLike 2000 was rad.
57:00SPEAKER- Uh-huh, it was really good.
57:02SPEAKERIt was the beginning of,
57:03SPEAKERit was the precursor of Windows XP.
57:06SPEAKER- 2000.
57:07SPEAKER- I don't remember this one at all.
57:08SPEAKER- Windows 2000 is better than Windows XP.
57:11SPEAKER- Wow.
57:12SPEAKER- It just is.
57:12SPEAKER- It doesn't have that aqua, though.
57:13SPEAKER- It just is.
57:15SPEAKER- Look, go back to your gray taskbar.
57:18SPEAKERDo you remember the nostalgia thing
57:20SPEAKERI mentioned with the PlayStation startup sound?
57:23SPEAKERThat shit is out of control for Windows XP.
57:26SPEAKERLike, I'd have to look at population numbers.
57:29SPEAKERI mean, isn't it kind of an established fact
57:31SPEAKERlike the millennial generation,
57:32SPEAKERthere was a pretty big population surge
57:34SPEAKERkind of like there was with the boomers.
57:35SPEAKERI mean, they're the children of boomers, right?
57:38SPEAKER- Well, children boomers in Gen X, yeah.
57:40SPEAKER- Like, I just have to assume there are a lot of people
57:43SPEAKERwho were 12 when Windows XP came out
57:45SPEAKERbecause the number of people who you will see going
57:48SPEAKERthat the Windows XP GUI was peak computing is endless.
57:52SPEAKERI think people have got a bizarre love for Windows XP
57:55SPEAKERthat I don't quite understand.
57:57SPEAKER- Here's the other thing about Windows XP,
57:59SPEAKERis it lasted a really long time.
58:01SPEAKER- Yeah, that's probably part of it, sure.
58:03SPEAKER- Like, if you think about it, it released in what, 2001?
58:06SPEAKER- Yeah, and then it stuck around
58:07SPEAKERthrough multiple service packs,
58:08SPEAKERand also Vista was a disaster.
58:10SPEAKER- And Vista stunk.
58:11SPEAKER- People probably kept using it longer than expected.
58:13SPEAKER- And they didn't EOL it for ages, yeah.
58:16SPEAKERBut also I think a lot of people were coming of age
58:18SPEAKERand spending a lot of time on the family computer
58:21SPEAKERaround the time that XP was big.
58:23SPEAKERAnyway.
58:24SPEAKER- It was designed to be friendly looking.
58:26SPEAKERWell, it had bright, bright colors.
58:28SPEAKERLook.
58:29SPEAKER- Well, cue it up then.
58:30SPEAKER- Nothing wrong with a little blue in your OS.
58:32SPEAKER- You know, if we're talking friendly, let's have it.
58:35SPEAKER(gentle music)
58:38SPEAKEROkay, that's a good startup sound.
58:40SPEAKER- That's a banger.
58:41SPEAKERIt's short, it's to the point.
58:43SPEAKER- That's an A for me.
58:44SPEAKERThat is like the closest they probably ever got
58:46SPEAKERto the Eno again.
58:49SPEAKER(gentle music)
58:51SPEAKER- Yeah, it's super good.
58:52SPEAKER- It's orchestral, it is somewhat grandiose.
58:56SPEAKER- There's a rising, it's an up.
59:00SPEAKERThe whole thing is an up.
59:01SPEAKERIt sounds like going up.
59:03SPEAKER- Yeah.
59:04SPEAKER- Yeah, and it also has hints of blue,
59:06SPEAKERwhich is themed appropriately for the whole thing.
59:09SPEAKERDo you not like blue?
59:10SPEAKER- I hate the XP gooey.
59:11SPEAKERI hate the XP gooey. - Really?
59:12SPEAKER- I hate it man.
59:14SPEAKER- Wow, I guess I didn't know you in an XP timeframe.
59:17SPEAKER- It did, I mean, I ran XP like everybody else.
59:19SPEAKERSo like XP, I actually didn't XP still give you the option
59:22SPEAKERto revert to the 195 style?
59:24SPEAKER- You could do the gray one still.
59:25SPEAKER- I think I a hundred percent did that.
59:27SPEAKER- That seems right.
59:28SPEAKER- Actually that was also in the era.
59:29SPEAKERI found some old desktop screenshots.
59:31SPEAKERThat was also the era when I was like doing DLL stuff
59:34SPEAKERto make my windows look like a Mac at that time.
59:37SPEAKER- Oh God.
59:38SPEAKER- So anyway, anyway.
59:41SPEAKER- Should I do one more just for good measure
59:42SPEAKERjust 'cause it's good?
59:43SPEAKER- Yeah, yeah.
59:44SPEAKER(gentle music)
59:47SPEAKER- Why is this not an S?
59:49SPEAKER- I don't think it's quite there.
59:50SPEAKER- Wow.
59:51SPEAKER- It is like a slightly less artistic version
59:56SPEAKERof the Eno one.
59:57SPEAKER- I mean, it does still feel like Eno karaoke.
59:59SPEAKERIf I go back and play the Eno one now,
1:00:02SPEAKERyou're gonna hear the same tones and same themes.
1:00:04SPEAKER- It's a little predictable.
1:00:06SPEAKERIt's executed very well, but it's not like,
1:00:08SPEAKERlike the Eno one surprises you
1:00:10SPEAKERand the Windows XP one does not surprise you.
1:00:12SPEAKERIt just pleases to some degree.
1:00:14SPEAKER(gentle music)
1:00:19SPEAKERLike that is interesting instrumentation.
1:00:21SPEAKERThose are interesting tonal choices.
1:00:26SPEAKERLike that, again, that one surprises Windows XP one.
1:00:30SPEAKER(gentle music)
1:00:31SPEAKERThat's like, that's nothing I have not heard before.
1:00:33SPEAKERThat's just strings and piano and stuff.
1:00:35SPEAKERLike it's not like, it's not me asking like,
1:00:37SPEAKERwhat kind of piano is Eno playing there?
1:00:39SPEAKERThat sounds weird.
1:00:40SPEAKER- Yeah, one sounds otherworldly, otherworldly,
1:00:44SPEAKERand one sounds like something you'd hear in an elevator.
1:00:47SPEAKER- Yeah, yeah, but it's very good for that.
1:00:49SPEAKER- Yeah, it's good elevator music,
1:00:51SPEAKERbut still elevator music. - Sure, yeah.
1:00:53SPEAKER(upbeat music)
1:00:56SPEAKEROkay, let's call it there for this week.
1:00:58SPEAKERWe will be back and finish the other half of this next week.
1:01:00SPEAKERBut before we get out of here,
1:01:02SPEAKERI'm going to read the current tier list
1:01:05SPEAKERas it stands for posterity at S, S tier.
1:01:09SPEAKERMacintosh, Windows 95, Dreamcast, and GameCube.
1:01:13SPEAKERA, PlayStation 1, Windows 3.1, Saturn,
1:01:18SPEAKERJapan, the Japanese Saturn, and Windows XP.
1:01:21SPEAKERB tier, the M1 Macintosh, PlayStation 5,
1:01:25SPEAKERWindows NT 4.0, and Windows ME/Windows 2000.
1:01:31SPEAKERAt C, Windows 3.11, that's Windows for work roots.
1:01:36SPEAKERThe American Saturn, the Hitachi Hi Saturn,
1:01:40SPEAKERthe PlayStation 2.
1:01:42SPEAKERAnd then at the D tier, the E-Mate,
1:01:45SPEAKERthe Xbox original, and Windows 98.
1:01:49SPEAKER(upbeat music)
1:01:52SPEAKER- And that'll be a wrap for 2025.
1:01:55SPEAKER- I suppose it will, but not for our tier list,
1:01:58SPEAKERwhich we'll continue into next week.
1:02:00SPEAKER- I can't believe where we ended up.
1:02:02SPEAKERIt's just absolutely incredible.
1:02:05SPEAKERThese are some hot placements, hot takes.
1:02:08SPEAKERI know that nobody's going to have any comments
1:02:10SPEAKERor thoughts about what we've said here,
1:02:12SPEAKERbut if they do, and they're patrons,
1:02:15SPEAKERthey can go to the Discord,
1:02:16SPEAKERand they can go to the current episode channel,
1:02:19SPEAKERand there'll be a thread for this one,
1:02:20SPEAKERand they can just say, "Hey, whatever you want,
1:02:22SPEAKER"we'll read it, we'll see it, we'll comment,
1:02:24SPEAKER"we'll come back, we'll chat about it maybe,
1:02:26SPEAKER"and we'd love to know what you think."
1:02:28SPEAKERNow, the bad news is next week's episode's already recorded,
1:02:30SPEAKERso anything you say, it's just screaming into the void,
1:02:34SPEAKERbut that's fine, we're still gonna listen to it.
1:02:36SPEAKER- Just gonna have to live with it, sorry.
1:02:38SPEAKER- Yep, that's how it goes.
1:02:40SPEAKERAnd if you're not in the Discord,
1:02:41SPEAKERyou can get into the Discord by joining the Patreon.
1:02:44SPEAKERYou can go to patreon.com/techpod,
1:02:46SPEAKERand for $5 a month, you get access to the Discord,
1:02:49SPEAKERwhich is full of delightful human beings
1:02:51SPEAKERyou can chat with about things like this,
1:02:53SPEAKERand look, there've been a bunch of weird conversations
1:02:56SPEAKERthis week about Docker containers and Nix OS
1:02:59SPEAKERand all these other things that I wasn't expecting.
1:03:01SPEAKER- Fire alarms?
1:03:02SPEAKER- Yeah, the appropriate reaction when a fire alarm
1:03:05SPEAKERin your building goes off, and so on and so forth.
1:03:10SPEAKERAgain, it's patreon.com/techpod,
1:03:12SPEAKERwhere for $5 a month, you get access to all this,
1:03:16SPEAKERand the monthly Patreon exclusive episode,
1:03:19SPEAKERwhich will be recorded after this episode is up probably,
1:03:23SPEAKERmaybe not, I don't know, we'll see,
1:03:25SPEAKERand we might actually take the feedback from this episode
1:03:28SPEAKERinto that episode, you never know, anything's possible.
1:03:32SPEAKERTime is just looping in on itself here
1:03:34SPEAKERat the end of all things.
1:03:35SPEAKERI mean, sorry, at the end of 2025.
1:03:37SPEAKER- Yeah, no, all things, that's next week.
1:03:39SPEAKERThe 2025 ends this week, but yeah,
1:03:43SPEAKERso after you go to patreon.com/techpod, you can sign up,
1:03:46SPEAKERand as always, thanks to everybody who supports the show.
1:03:49SPEAKERWe are listener-supported, so without you all,
1:03:51SPEAKERwe wouldn't be here, but a very special thank you
1:03:54SPEAKERgoes to our executive producer tier patrons,
1:03:56SPEAKERincluding James Kamik, David Allen, Bunny Jerk,
1:04:00SPEAKERJordan Lippett, Andrew Slosky,
1:04:02SPEAKERnextlander.net, its.com.
1:04:05SPEAKER- True.
1:04:06SPEAKER- Pantheon, makers of the HS3 high-speed 3D printer,
1:04:11SPEAKERand Jason Lee, thank you all so, so much.
1:04:13SPEAKER- Yes, thank you, and happy holidays to all.
1:04:15SPEAKER- Well, hold on, and I gotta thank the associate producer
1:04:17SPEAKERtier patrons as well, 'cause it's the end of the month,
1:04:19SPEAKERand the end of the year, I guess,
1:04:20SPEAKERbut more importantly, the end of the month,
1:04:22SPEAKERso thanks to Graham Banks, Thomas Shea, Jad Rita, P. Tibbs,
1:04:26SPEAKERSteve Lin, Tom Fuller, Just Associate Wedge, Nathan Phelps,
1:04:30SPEAKERBen Tolman, Tom Hilton, Andre M. Burke, P.E.,
1:04:33SPEAKERAndrew Dicey-Schuldeis, and Alejandro Navarro,
1:04:37SPEAKERMatt Walker, parentheses Walkman8080, close parentheses,
1:04:40SPEAKERSanchik Kumar, Felix Kramer, Kerp, Brutal Kerfuffle,
1:04:45SPEAKERand Eric, thank you all so, so much.
1:04:46SPEAKERWe appreciate each and every one of you.
1:04:48SPEAKER- We do, and happy holidays to you as well,
1:04:50SPEAKERand everybody listening.
1:04:51SPEAKER- Happy holidays to everybody.
1:04:52SPEAKERHope you have a safe and prosperous and fun
1:04:55SPEAKERand joy-filled holiday season, and you know what?
1:04:59SPEAKERI'll give you a sneak peek of the Christmas card
1:05:01SPEAKERif you haven't gotten it already,
1:05:03SPEAKER'cause it says naughty list, nice list, we don't care.
1:05:07SPEAKERHave a good holiday.
1:05:08SPEAKERSee you all next year.
1:05:09SPEAKERBye, everybody.
1:05:13SPEAKEROh, yeah, and please consider the environment
1:05:15SPEAKERbefore bringing this podcast, I guess.